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【TOP 46】Steven Wright Quotes - WhatsApp Status | Page-1

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I was at this restaurant. The sign said

I was at this restaurant. The sign said "Breakfast Anytime." So I ordered French Toast in the Renaissance.

I've wanted to do it since I was 14 years old, from watching 'The Tonight Show,' watching Johnny (Carson) and the other comedians. Something clicked in me that I wanted to be one of those guys, someone who came out and made the audience laugh. - Steven Wright Quotes

I've wanted to do it since I was 14 years old, from watching 'The Tonight Show,' watching Johnny (Carson) and the other comedians. Something clicked in me that I wanted to be one of those guys, someone who came out and made the audience laugh.

I bought an occassional table........sometimes it's a microwave oven. - Steven Wright Quotes

I bought an occassional table........sometimes it's a microwave oven.

Hermits have no peer pressure. - Steven Wright Quotes

Hermits have no peer pressure.

American Comedian Funny

Sponges grow in the ocean. This bothers me. How deep would it be if they didn't? - Steven Wright Quotes

Sponges grow in the ocean. This bothers me. How deep would it be if they didn't?

American Comedian Funny

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out. - Steven Wright Quotes

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.

American Comedian Funny

It happens so fast, and I've been doing it so long that it's unconscious, - Steven Wright Quotes

It happens so fast, and I've been doing it so long that it's unconscious,

I spilled Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. - Steven Wright Quotes

I spilled Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature. - Steven Wright Quotes

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.

American Comedian Funny

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically. - Steven Wright Quotes

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.

American Comedian Funny

What a nice night for an evening. - Steven Wright Quotes

What a nice night for an evening.

American Comedian Funny

In terms of visits, we're probably going to wind up 3 to 5 percent ahead in visits and probably double that in revenue. - Steven Wright Quotes

In terms of visits, we're probably going to wind up 3 to 5 percent ahead in visits and probably double that in revenue.

I've known Ian for a while. It's not about beating the best pitcher. He's still my buddy. I'll probably hang out with him tonight. It's just another game to me. - Steven Wright Quotes

I've known Ian for a while. It's not about beating the best pitcher. He's still my buddy. I'll probably hang out with him tonight. It's just another game to me.

Nobody can really compare a relationship in which the victim is 15 years old to one where she's 6. While both criminal, they're very different circumstances. - Steven Wright Quotes

Nobody can really compare a relationship in which the victim is 15 years old to one where she's 6. While both criminal, they're very different circumstances.

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer? - Steven Wright Quotes

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

American Comedian Funny

The statue is permanently out of place in my house, - Steven Wright Quotes

The statue is permanently out of place in my house,

I think that was our best defensive game of the year. - Steven Wright Quotes

I think that was our best defensive game of the year.

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.' - Steven Wright Quotes

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'

American Comedian Birthday Funny

Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life! - Steven Wright Quotes

Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly. - Steven Wright Quotes

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

American Comedian Company Funny

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories. - Steven Wright Quotes

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

American Comedian Funny Memories

I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side. - Steven Wright Quotes

I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.

American Comedian Funny Future

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize - Steven Wright Quotes

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize

Funny Quote of the Day

Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. Their families came and took them away. Eighty years later, by a bizarre coincidence, they lay in the same hospital, on their deathbeds, next to each other. One of them looked at the other and said, so. What did you think? - Steven Wright Quotes

Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. Their families came and took them away. Eighty years later, by a bizarre coincidence, they lay in the same hospital, on their deathbeds, next to each other. One of them looked at the other and said, so. What did you think?

Age And Aging Babies Life

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish. - Steven Wright Quotes

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.

American Comedian Fishing Funny

I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter. - Steven Wright Quotes

I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.

American Comedian Funny Night

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time. - Steven Wright Quotes

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

American Comedian Funny

Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths. - Steven Wright Quotes

Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny. - Steven Wright Quotes

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

American Comedian Funny Worth

My friend has a baby. I'm writing down all the noises the baby makes so later I can ask him what he meant. - Steven Wright Quotes

My friend has a baby. I'm writing down all the noises the baby makes so later I can ask him what he meant.

American Comedian Babies Funny

It's a small world but I wouldn't want to paint it. - Steven Wright Quotes

It's a small world but I wouldn't want to paint it.

American Comedian Funny

I saw a bank that said

I saw a bank that said "24 Hour Banking," but I don't have that much time.

American Comedian Funny

a tax on people who are bad at math. - Steven Wright Quotes

a tax on people who are bad at math.

I haven't done a film in about five years and I want to do more. It's not a matter of expense, because budgets are low, it's the problem of not having a really good idea. - Steven Wright Quotes

I haven't done a film in about five years and I want to do more. It's not a matter of expense, because budgets are low, it's the problem of not having a really good idea.

The uncertainty is petrol prices, - Steven Wright Quotes

The uncertainty is petrol prices,

We have run the hydro system harder than it was supposed to be run this year. - Steven Wright Quotes

We have run the hydro system harder than it was supposed to be run this year.

Our modelling suggest bond yields should rise in line with the US by at least 1 per cent. The X factor remains any flow-on effect from petrol prices. - Steven Wright Quotes

Our modelling suggest bond yields should rise in line with the US by at least 1 per cent. The X factor remains any flow-on effect from petrol prices.

At one point he decided enough was enough. - Steven Wright Quotes

At one point he decided enough was enough.

American Comedian Funny

I was just getting too ahead of myself. I was rushing. - Steven Wright Quotes

I was just getting too ahead of myself. I was rushing.

I felt I could've got him out. Coach made a good decision because we ended up getting him out anyway. - Steven Wright Quotes

I felt I could've got him out. Coach made a good decision because we ended up getting him out anyway.

The past week our bullpen threw a lot, especially with the doubleheaders in the (Rainbow) tournament, and we have five games this weekend, so I figure if I can finish the game off, I can give 'em a little rest so they can go out and get the next four games. - Steven Wright Quotes

The past week our bullpen threw a lot, especially with the doubleheaders in the (Rainbow) tournament, and we have five games this weekend, so I figure if I can finish the game off, I can give 'em a little rest so they can go out and get the next four games.

Past

It didn't look like they were comfortable. Coach K and Esteban worked it in and out today, so (WIU) didn't know what was coming, so they didn't get any good swings. - Steven Wright Quotes

It didn't look like they were comfortable. Coach K and Esteban worked it in and out today, so (WIU) didn't know what was coming, so they didn't get any good swings.

It's a big deal for us. We have over 200 people registered. They're coming from all over the United States. We have people coming from Canada, Bermuda. - Steven Wright Quotes

It's a big deal for us. We have over 200 people registered. They're coming from all over the United States. We have people coming from Canada, Bermuda.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney. - Steven Wright Quotes

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney.

Funny

You can't have everything. Where would you put it? - Steven Wright Quotes

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

American Comedian Funny

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it. - Steven Wright Quotes

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

American Comedian Funny

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